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Choosing a Career — Find Your Passion!

September 15, 2019 / Sherry Carver

The linchpin faces a fork in the road:
You can try to make your job have more. More impact, more responsibility, more leverage.
Or you can be industrial about it and try to have your job involve less. Less risk, less effort, less to fear.
Is your ideal job one where you get paid but no one even knows you work there . . . Or is it to bring your hopes and dreams and talents to a position where you can change things for the better?
Seth Godin

I have had many jobs in my search for myself and my passion. I started working when I was 16 and am forever grateful to my parents for making this a condition for participating in extracurricular activities in high school. They required me to pay for gas when I drove their car and my song leader camp and outfits. It was a turning point in my growth and feeling of independence. I started as a school secretary for the night school at my high school and then landed a retail position as the “Youth Council” representative for my high school. I attended monthly meetings and my input was taken into account for the store buyers of the teen clothing department. I was also able to pick up shifts at the store on weeknights and weekends. I was busy. I learned to show up on time. I loved getting a paycheck. I knew that if I didn’t show up that I was letting them down. My parent’s rule gave me a great start.

After high school graduation I got a job at a bank. I learned about checking and savings accounts and as an employee I was given a credit account with a $300 limit. I never realized it until the other day that I learned every job that bank had to offer. I watched everyone and decided that I wanted to be the utility person. I could fill in for anyone who was sick or on vacation. It took about a year to learn what I needed to. I honestly do not know how I came up with that thought but it planted a seed that has stayed with me in every job I have taken. Be the one to raise your hand to help.

Okay, it sounds like my work life has been seamless — not so fast! There would always come a point in any job when I felt I could do more, be more — make more money. I started a family and went back to college. I was always searching for what my perfect fit was. It led to a lot of starting and stopping. I’ve had a lot of “I wish I knew then what I know now.” Be curious and never stop learning but focus on a goal.

Every career journey is personal. No one can help or get too involved in your choices. It is about asking questions, learning from mistakes and finding people who do the job that you would like to do. It’s about finding companies that motivate your best ideas and concepts. It’s about realizing that starting at the bottom is always the best step.

Thoughts on Goals

My husband and I owned a restaurant for about 4 years. It required me to quit my law office job and become the manager. I was terrible at the day to day operations. I lived for getting out in the community and marketing what we could make happen for group activities. We were stressed every day. We drove far to get there. We had 4 kids who were not getting the best from us. The day we sold was the happiest day of my life. I re-enrolled in college and spent more time at home. It became my LINCHPIN — my fork in the road. I started to set priorities.

College gave me courage. Part time work gave me flexibility. I took part time jobs that taught me something I didn’t know and then I would move on. I began to think like an entrepreneur— I liked making decisions that felt like me. I was able to keep this going for quite a while. I graduated from college. I focused on law offices. My kids went out on their own. I traveled to seminars in other states. I learned how others made their way. I loved my journey but had one problem — I wasn’t making much money. That became a problem when my husband (the best breadwinner I could ask for) retired. It was time to put all my talk and education into action. Once the pressure of income came into my head, I lost my confidence. I had grown comfortable with the flexibility of part time, of going to seminars and thinking that was doing something, of learning how to set up my website and of listening to podcasts. Time for less talk, less strategy and more action.

I had one more challenge — getting my real estate license. My idea was to work with families/individuals to avoid the pitfalls I saw of home buying and the stress it caused. I had a plan — it revolved around what I had finally found as my passion — Organizing — I have found my center. I have variety. I have flexibility. Organization helps everyone I work with feel settled. My dream career mix (finally) —

Law Office Administrator
Substitute Teacher
Realtor
Organizer of Homes, Home Offices and Small Business Books

These tools have served me well —

My parent’s rule — get a job to pay for high school activities;
Be the one to raise your hand to help others;
Be curious and never stop learning but focus on a goal;
Starting at the bottom is always the best step;
Set priorities once you have some experience;
Know when thinking about strategy needs to end — less talk and more action —
Know your passion — find jobs that need it!

Tell Me More

September 8, 2019 / Sherry Carver

It is impossible to not love Hoda Kotb. Watching her on the Today Show is inspiring. She loves what she does and she loves her family life. She brings a sense of accomplishment and wonder to the table. She might be the best role model for blending career and family. But all of this took her a while to set in motion and understand.

I was particularly moved on her first day back to work after a five month maternity leave having unexpectedly adopted her second daughter. She was paying attention to life during those five months and made sure we knew how magical it had been for her. She has a very high profile on morning television and it is refreshing to see her personality show through. She is real. She has waited a long time for her family life. She appreciates everyone and everything around her. She elevates anyone who sits next to her.

A great segment with guests Esther Wojcicki who wrote “How to Raise Successful People” and Kelly Corrigan who wrote the essay “Advice to My College Freshman” in The New York Times as well as the book “Tell Me More: Stories About the 12 Hardest Things I’m Learning to Say” — gave great tips on not only raising successful people but how to navigate and accept the empty nest when your kids leave home. Esther was so calm in her approach to letting her kids discover the world around them and how they fit into it and Kelly was hilarious in her nervousness in trying to tell her daughter everything in an hour that she wanted her to know before leaving her at college.

Hoda brought up that we parents try so hard to teach our kids all the life lessons we want them to know that we push them too hard. Kelly’s book offers that listening is key by simply saying “tell me more” instead of giving solutions. I took note of these simple three words — tell me more — what a great way to not only listen but extend a conversation.

Life experience whether in career or family life does give clarity. We are meant to learn from mistakes and situations that don’t feel right. The panic and anxiousness felt in our 20’s and 30’s fades as our confidence builds. We shed friends and family that drain us to the core. We find ourselves having more moments of joy than sadness. We center our days so as to not exhaust ourselves. Seeing life through someone else’s eyes is a better way to understand and bond with them.

It is not lost on me that the way to know a person’s heart and mind is to listen to what they say and what they are fascinated by. Let them know you hear them instead of trying to help them. I am learning that all of us young and old have a creative outlet. Acknowledging that creativity is amazing. I scrolled through Chris’s pictures on his phone the other day and got an insight into what he takes note of when outside.

When my kids call me — which is surprisingly more often than I would have thought — I want them to “tell me more.” Their ideas are more valuable than any solution I could conjure up. They’ve got it together. They have creative outlets. I want to know them more as adults than try and keep them young. They deserve that from me. They can now teach me.

One thing I have always had my whole life is a love for people. The journey someone’s mind takes fascinates me. I love reading biographies and following along on what it took to get where they wanted to go. It takes a while to understand what is worth paying attention to every day. As time goes by I see that learning to shed rather than accumulate is a path to feeling happy.

Retirement Through My Eyes

September 2, 2019 / Sherry Carver

This week Chris and I went for our annual eye exam together. We have been seeing our optometrist for the entire 36 years we have lived in our home. All of our kids have seen him. He has witnessed all of our life changes and it’s nice that at least once a year we can catch up. He is patient and kind and relieves our worries of aging eyes.

Today he proclaimed that Chris is the perfect man. His eyes are so different in vision that they balance each other and he no longer needs contacts just a minimal prescription for reading glasses. Now, this is a big deal. I, on the other hand, am trying to find the CAPITAL E on the chart. His test of my left eye was just a big blur and I am always taking the peripheral test (the one with the Jeopardy buzzer) with sweaty palms — please let me see the green dot!

I went first. I gave as many details in my allotted time of our last year as I could. Even though I started first, Chris finished before me which tells you our relationship story without words. Our doctor made the fatal mistake of asking me what was happening with retirement and I proceeded to fill him in on how the last four years have been going — luckily I have spent a small fortune with him so he is not losing money when I come in.

Here are a few of my thoughts:

I was not happy for the first year as I was used to being home alone in my own world;
I am not fond of whistling — Chris is happy when he’s whistling;
After raising four kids, I was not in the mood to answer questions about my productivity and goal setting capabilities;
Chris being the amazing landscaper that he is, stepped up his weed-eater and blower duties — all which make noise and create dust;
I am the tech person in our home — my name was being called a bit more often to come to the rescue of wayward laptops and streaming devices;
I am an everything has a place girl and I am not good when things are dropped with no container underneath.

After four years, here is what I’ve learned:

Chris was allowed to be home — suggesting different activities or software for him to learn only put those things at the bottom of his “to do” list;
Whistling meant he was home and happy — unless we are in the car, I don’t hear it anymore;
He could in one sentence call me out on my bright shiny object syndrome; it turns out goals and objectives are a good thing in my world and have led me to the best career I have ever had;
Our yards are so beautiful — they have always been his place to be calm and creative — I just close the windows when I hear noise;
I strongly encourage reading manuals or watching a tutorial video — the technical side of life is either loved or hated and unless you love the challenge like me, just get to know what you deal with daily.
I had to let up a bit on my “everything in it’s place” but he takes his shoes off at the back door now. Don’t get me wrong there is never a wayward glass or a bed unmade but you will find the laundry overflowing a bit more and there are water marks on the bathroom mirrors now.

At the end of the visit, our doctor proclaimed that he will probably never retire. I told him just stay part time and ease into it.

Compromise is the key. The alternative is being consumed with loneliness. While the beds are made, the dust is barely there and the kitchen floor is clean ~~ the whistling is gone.

Fun Times To Remember

August 26, 2019 / Sherry Carver

I was lucky to have a great high school life. Now don’t get me wrong there was drama and worry but for the most part I was able to come away with the best memories. As I got further away from that time, life got busy and I lost a part of that girl.

This weekend I went back. My sister and brother-in-law came to visit and we went to the Friday Night Football Game to watch a nephew start his high school football life there. So funny, those kids looked so young and we thought we were so old and grown up — making decisions that seemed at the time life altering.

It’s good to get back to who you were before the stress of life takes hold of a carefree personality. It can’t happen every Friday Night but it is good to re-set and remember once in a while.

I keep this picture in my office to remind me of who I was when I was at the beginning of my adult journey. It keeps me focused on what I was thinking and who I still am. I believe that none of us ever lose that 18 year old wonder and feeling that we can do anything. It just gets lost in daily life and responsibilities.

We had the weekend to discuss our lives and what we hoped for our kids and for our own futures. My sister and brother-in-law were also a part of my high school days. We’ve seen each other through all of life’s joys and sadness. It has been a comfort to know I have big open arms to land in when I need it. Chris and I are here for them too. We realized that since all of our parents are gone, we are the leaders of our family now. We are proud of our own accomplishments but we beam when talking about our kids. They are such great people. They are never far from our thoughts but we respect their autonomy and need for privacy — they do reach out often and we know that we have created a safe zone for them to talk and rejuvenate.

We talked about our home and our talk of downsizing. We never realized what having this house meant to the entire family. It reaches more than just Chris and I and our kids. It’s a place to feel happy and safe. As with my high school memories, there are many that our entire family have stored here and treasure. Our kitchen table has been the place where anyone can be fed and listened to.

I remember watching The Waltons Television Show (click link to see a picture) in the 1970’s and thinking that their kitchen table was so loving and welcoming. How did we get to the point of thinking that families living far from each other would be a good idea? I realized tonight that it’s time to plan more family dinners at this table. Luckily, Chris is a great cook and I love to clean and organize the kitchen afterwards. I also think including everyone in the process of a meal is a great way to create laughter and a sense of belonging.

I have always loved a comfortable family room complete with comfortable couches and blankets. So many positive discussions can lengthen when there is room for everyone to sit. When relaxed, people talk with their heart.

It doesn’t matter how big or small these two important rooms are. Just make sure they are welcoming and used often. I am content tonight knowing that we have created the home where everyone wants to be. All are welcome and I’m going to get better at making family time an open invitation. Scrapbooks, yearbooks, home movies and videos tell the stories that are the thread that connects us and helps us know that we are loved.

Mom Thoughts

August 4, 2019 / Sherry Carver

I want to think that I was a fun mom — BUT — I do remember worrying most days about keeping the house clean and organized. My kids have all told me at one point that they would stop making their beds when on their own and there was nothing I could do about it. I don’t blame them for rebelling. No glass ever sat on the table for longer than five minutes before it was dishwasher bound. Kids want to grow up with a certain amount of dirt and chaos and mine were deprived of that most of the time, All of my television role model moms of the 1950’s and 1960’s kept their house spotless. My own mom kept our house spotless. As a kid I had chores on a list and each one done paid me five cents. Making my bed was on that list.

I have thought about who might have been a hilarious mom and Lucille Ball comes to mind.

Her daughter, Lucie Arnaz, was asked about that and this was her response:

Now, Arnaz’s favorite memory of Ball, who died in 1989, is decidedly unglamorous.

I sort of always come back to the idea that any memory where she’s just home and has time to just be with us, any of those simple, the simplest of dumbest of memories, you know, making a grilled cheese sandwich in the kitchen,” Arnaz says.

This was the funniest woman ever on television. She made life a hilarious string of unbelievable ideas on how to live daily life. She helped families at home watching television laugh together. Her daughter simply wanted a grilled cheese sandwich and time to just be with us.

It sounds so redundant to say but truly the time the kids are home until age 18 does go fast. I look back now and realize it is impossible to make time slow down while raising kids. There is always so much to do, somewhere to be, homework to get done, chores to complete, meals to cook and emotions to soothe. Kids are loud, they fight, they leave fingermarks on walls and wet towels on floors — they are busy living their thoughts. I was longing for quiet and order when I should have been listening and laughing — helping them live their thoughts.

So, it’s time for me to start to focus on each rare moment of the day as best I can. I needed to find more laughter and started listening to a podcast where I thought I could find some hilarity — “Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend” — He is hilarious with no script. I wonder how his kids feel about him? Is he funny at home? Does he give them time outs? Do they think he’s as funny as I do?

What about Melissa McCarthy? Does she have her kids make their beds? Can you just decide to be funny and it magically happens?

Here is Melissa’s take on disciplining her very funny kids:

On The Struggle To Discipline Funny Kids

We have very funny kids. [When they try to get out of trouble by being funny, we’re like,] ‘Good bit, strong bit. However, you still have to go clean up your room.’ It’s a balancing act. Kids are really smart. They pick up on everything and then you still have to not laugh in front of them as you tell them that something’s not appropriate, or something might be too aggressive. Then, when they leave the room … Ben and I try to write it down so we don’t forget, and then laugh a lot without them seeing. It’s a system in a web of lies. That’s what it is.

There are all kinds of moms who do their best with limited skills. I think there should be a mom class that teaches how to laugh not only at what kid’s introduce to your life but also at yourself and how you handle it. Maybe I can start one — it will start with a house full of unmade beds and I have to let that go for a day.

Life gets very complicated when you have to keep order in every room in the house. We all need creativity to express what our brains are trying to help us focus on. Noise is good — it means everyone is still alive. Wet towels eventually get washed and smell better. Fingermarks get painted over on walls but we treasure those plaster school projects with the hand imprint. Siblings stop fighting and turn into life-long friends. Scrapbooks reveal the memories that remind us that we did have fun and laugh at least once a month.

I See You

July 28, 2019 / Sherry Carver

I was in my local coffee shop and just finished my order. I noticed the line behind me had 2 people when a group of 3 went straight to the register and ordered without noticing that there had been people waiting behind me. They never looked, just ordered.

The lady who was bumped in line was so kind and just let them go ahead of her. I decided to walk up to her and let her know that I SAW HER and that she was not invisible. She explained that she just felt like it was a fight she didn’t want to start. The barista also spoke up and said that he saw her too. She appreciated that we noticed her.

It may seem like a small thing but I started thinking about people who do not feel seen. It got me wondering about how such a simple moment can change someone’s day. It woke me up to the fact that sometimes I am not paying attention either, especially when I’m in a hurry. Why has kindness taken a back seat in our society? Is everyone just in our way and an annoyance? Do we even care to realize that every person matters?

I started thinking of all the situations that trigger frustration:

On the road while driving — especially in traffic
Pedestrians who have the right of way
Any elementary school playground
The waiting room of a doctor’s office
The airport
Trying to reach customer service by telephone

It’s okay to:

Let someone into your lane, even if they decide at the last minute — we all do that once in a while
Look for pedestrians — show them you see them
Help kids learn to work out their conflicts right there on the playground — make sure they each listen to the other’s feelings — then send them back to play
Create better systems in waiting rooms — update everyone who is going to be taken in late — everyone’s schedule matters
When flights are delayed, update every 15 minutes and be honest as to what the problem is —
Customer service is the first line item when running a business — if that is not pleasant for customers, everything else will fail behind it.

I decided to change my routine and while taking my normal walk around our reservoir, I looked up at everyone I passed. Everyone smiled — people took the time to say hello.

I stopped on a street near my house last week and noticed that the neighborhood goats were set up getting rid of our dry brush. This sight attracted so many people — they all got out of their cars to see this extraordinary service take place and everyone was amazed, smiling and taking pictures. Kids don’t see this sight every day.

Thank You Goats!

It doesn’t take much of our time to value people. It just needs to be a part of our day. Who knows, it could become a habit —- I SEE YOU!

Why The Moon?

July 20, 2019 / Sherry Carver

We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.
President John F. Kennedy at Rice University, Houston, Texas September 12, 1962

A Daughter’s Reflection

It’s funny the things that stay in my memory.

I was seven years old when politics started to become a part of my life. President John F. Kennedy inspired my parents and that positive energy kept me curious as to what a President was and what he did. People liked him and he made them laugh. He challenged the country to give back and serve. He had an adventurous spirit and loved the ocean. He was an Irish Catholic and my grandmother beamed at that fact. He had a daughter that was my age.

It also was the first time I realized that evil could take him away forever. No child was protected from the news that our President had been killed. Our country cried for days and the sadness left a mark on all that remember that time in November, 1963. I kept thinking about his children. There were no neighborhood kids playing outside. Every business was closed. We were frozen watching Walter Cronkite on CBS News hoping that he was wrong.

Disbelief and Shock

We got to the Moon and beyond. His words repeated over the years as one of his greatest speeches — we choose to do things not because they are easy, but because they are hard . . .

I learned to be sad but to keep moving forward. Our neighborhood organized a talent show in our garage and sent the money to the Kennedy Family to help build the Kennedy Library. We were so proud to collect our coins and send them in the mail. We received the card that gave us hope that he would be remembered forever

This week has been full of news reports about the 50th Anniversary of getting to the Moon. How could he predict such an accomplishment? It was said today that the technology that led to that famous landing set the course for all of our technological advances as we know them today.

I’ve heard many times to dream a dream bigger than you can imagine for yourself. Accomplishments come from doing hard things. Pride comes from a humble and hard-fought win.

I kept going in my life even when things got hard. I’ve made mistakes but worked hard to get back on the right path. Sadness takes a piece of our heart but it builds resolve.

The other night I saw an amazing and bright moon outside my window. I never want to lose that image of it’s bright light inviting adventure.

Brave Enough

July 14, 2019 / Sherry Carver

What I’ve come to notice is that if we are brave enough to allow parts of ourselves to die — old roles, old beliefs, and old identities that no longer serve us — then we can evolve more fully into our authentic selves. Sit with that.
Maria Shriver

Change is scary and hard. It is easier to stay in the comfort zone of every day life. Problem is there is a moment when the question becomes “what if I’d…….”

I got comfortable with the safe pattern of being a nurturer rather than a dreamer. I avoided risk and set myself up for zero growth as I aged. I wanted to make sure that no one was ever angry or disappointed in me. I was becoming a very uninteresting and sad person.

Funny thing, there always comes a day of reckoning with yourself. Here is when it happened for me:

I was in the walk-in refrigerator of our restaurant crying for the thousandth time;
I had lost my laugh;
Our life savings was in that business and I could not walk out;
What the heck did I want — no one knew.

I decided it was time to find someone to help me sort out what I was feeling. I found a counselor who did not let me feel sorry for myself. Instead we worked on a finding out what I wanted and setting goals week by week. I lost my tears and gained a plan.

We sold the restaurant a year later. I enrolled in college. I got busy and had to restructure my day so that my kids, my husband and my home did not take the hit for me finding myself. I made the decision that even if I only had the ability to take one class a semester, I would not stop till I completed my degree. It took me almost 15 years but I graduated and found my strength in the process. I did not quit when it got tough. Tests and term papers became my challenge. Although going to school was tough on my family, they never wavered in their support for me.

How does this story relate to When House is Home you ask? Through it all our home was a part of all the changes I went through. I always felt relief that I had this space to give me comfort when I opened the door. It was filled with chaos and love. It was set up to be a happy place. No matter where I was in my world, it never failed me. When a home recharges your spirit — you know it is meant to be yours.

I learned to trust my instincts that the paths I had taken all these years were exactly what I was meant to do. What role do you want to shed? If you could wake up tomorrow and be doing anything, what would it be? I am paying more attention to people who do great things with a simple idea — one of them is 4Ocean. They are two surfers who started cleaning up the ocean trash, one pound at a time.

What I Learned This Week

July 7, 2019 / Sherry Carver

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.” Henry David Thoreau

My struggle has always been to stay in the present. Writing is my tool to keep me humble. My outward demeanor does not always match what my brain is thinking. I want to laugh all the time but I am so serious most of my days ~~ is it possible to find those waves that Thoreau is talking about?

I subscribe to Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper ~~ she makes me laugh in her quest to be unique, she too is trying to figure out who she is and what she wants aside from expectations and she interviews interesting people with thought provoking problem solving ideas on her podcast “Meaningful Conversations” ~~ all the ingredients that keep me coming back each week. I like the way she approaches life and inspiration is a great way to move forward.

This week my husband and I made a major life decision:

When Downsizing is Not Downsizing

We have been looking at smaller homes in our area. We knew downsizing would be hard but would open up possibilities ~~ smaller yard, smaller inside, more free time. Turns out downsizing would have been more stressful to achieve than we hoped:

We would be making a lateral move financially and the security we have built up over our last 36 years would dissolve.
My husband’s creative vision for our yard would disappear with a sale and I reminded him, “when our family and friends step outside, they feel your love.”
Every room has meaning and that was our plan.
A larger home means more movement each day ~~ a good thing for our health.
Our neighborhood is familiar and comforting.
Watching a moving van pull away would take too much of the life we built together with it.

Home is a feeling ~~ not stuff. We must come up with a new idea for an adventure but we want to come home to the place we love.

And so, we are staying. We are relieved. We laugh more each day. We have to rely on our imaginations to come up with new ways to explore our need for change. We must stay healthy to keep up with our home maintenance schedule. Creative financial planning must become a date night topic.

We are still those two young marrieds with four kids who created a beloved home with meaning. We are not ready to let it go . . . . .

Before Anything ~~ There’s Organizing

May 12, 2019 / Sherry Carver

Has this ever happened to you?

Walk around the house and wonder where all the “stuff” came from
Find that you’ve put everything under beds and shoved in closets and drawers
Feel anxious when you walk in the house
Never feel done with chores
Procrastinate paying bills and reconciling accounts

How to start. . . .

Pick a small task, start a timer and finish it within an hour
Pick one day a week devoted to organizing — no more than 2 hours and write it on your calendar
Put on your favorite podcast, music or tv show to keep you interested in finishing
Hire someone to help you start

I want this for you. I want to make it fun and something you look forward to. I want you to have more time for the things you want to do and not feel weighed down by clutter.

Tips to start . . . .

Watch the Marie Kondo Series On Netflix ;
Follow Clea and Joanna on their instagram organzing journey The Home Edit — they have built an amazing business and their pictures are inspiring ;
Go to The Container Store and just browse all the possibilities for your home (it’s better to walk the aisles first, then you can shop online ;
Make a list of all of your bank accounts, credit cards and loans to start painting a picture of your finances — You can start with Mint Money Manager it’s free ;
Start following Houzz on Facebook for ideas and pictures of your dream home ;
Walk your neighborhood to see what you drive past every day!