Category: My Discoveries

My Life Needs Structure

September 13, 2023 / Sherry Carver / 1 Comment

DAYDREAMS

In my daydreams I imagine every day just waking up with no plan, nothing to do. Let the day take me where I want it to go. No stress, no calls, no responsibility. No one needs me, no one interrupts my thoughts and the house just gets cleaned if I feel like it.

Then I am jolted back to reality and realize that would not be as wonderful as it sounds.

STRUCTURE

Structure keeps me engaged and gives me purpose. Being needed for my expertise or ideas is a great feeling of self satisfaction. Cleaning the house gives me the time to organize and renew it’s function. A clean house is so much fun to walk around in. Having a place to go every day keeps me from procrastination.

I’m starting a class to engage others who might be feeling the need for structure in their lives. No matter what the circumstance, it can always be a mood lifter to know someone needs what you have to offer. Change is so difficult and getting stuck in a daily loop of “nothing much matters, I can do it tomorrow” are words that lack any joy.

VARIETY

I also need variety to my days. I have set up my schedule to be flexible and fluid. I set a loose schedule at the law office but get the work done. I can take a substitute teaching job if I can fit it into my week. I can schedule a weekend trip on a whim.

I need exercise in my week at least 5 days. If not, I start to lose the motivation to keep it up. Results come slower at my age but it is a true statement that the endorphins really do bring a great feeling. Going to the gym is tough some days but I walk out saying “I’m so glad I went.” I live by the mantra — just do something, it’s better than doing nothing.

HAPPY PLACES

I have identified a few “happy” places in my life. My favorite coffee shop offers me a respite from sitting in the house. I walk in to my favorite iced green tea, air conditioning (or the fireplace) and friendly people who call me by name. This small town feeling in a community is life affirming.

I also love our backyard. It is calm and peaceful and gives me a feeling of belonging to something bigger than me. Watching animals, trees, plants and weather live together is a lesson that I love to watch. My patio offers a comfortable place to write and just reconnect with my soul.

Driving is peaceful for me — I recently got a new car with amazing power and “car play” lets me listen to whatever I choose. That is a huge benefit of technology! Music can just elevate my mood more than anything else — especially the songs from my high school years. It brings me back to that girl who had a future only she could design.

CHOICES

The daydream of nothing to do has passed through my brain and while I still get overwhelmed at times, creating my life does not have to be pressure filled. It comes down to choices — it has taken years to find a peaceful balance. Saying “no” makes me happy.

What I’ve Learned So Far-May 24

May 28, 2023 / Sherry Carver

What I’ve Learned So Far…. May 24

Being ORGANIZED brings me peace — I know what I have and take the time to think an extra minute before buying more ……

Being CURIOUS keeps me moving forward even if I don’t feel like it ……

Being BRAVE has given me courage to take on jobs just to see if they fit me . . . it also helps me say no when my gut finally tells me to ….

Being KIND brings silent rewards that last an entire lifetime.

“Kind” by Sherry Carver 2020

My four favorite words ….

Alone Days For Mom

February 20, 2023 / Sherry Carver

Every now and then I find the need for an alone day. My life is very structured at this moment and I feel happy to break free and have a day with no particular plan.

I think my entire family gets a signal from the universe when I pack up my IPad and head to my favorite coffee shop to write. They follow me there — they want to be a part of my day. How can I turn that down? I like talking to them one on one outside of the house. They feel heard when it is just me without the interruptions that happen at home. They are there to absorb my energy and not rush the conversations. I value these times more than they will ever know.

I learned a valuable tool with my family relationships. Don’t give away every detail — leave them wanting more facts/ideas/stories. Too many words get lost on my kids and husband. They are looking for fresh takes on life and a back and forth discussion — not an entire history of my life and how I made it to this point. Listening is the key to keeping them close. Silence allows for full thoughts to be spoken and heard.

There is the inevitable break when I know they are done. A look at a watch , a deep breath or a move away from the table is my signal. I have learned to let them go at that moment. Leave them wanting a next time — leave them walking away with a new perspective — leave them knowing they are valued and loved.

Transitions are hard for me. I don’t like to let go of the moment. My close relationships are with my husband and kids because they give me honest feedback and know me well. Other relationships are pivotal and are tied to sharing common interests. I have been burned many times when I divulge too much and gave more than was necessary or wanted. I would rather spend time alone than feel hurt or rejected simply for being me. Is that what you call growing up? Content? Feeling at Peace?

I don’t need to prove my worth to them. I feel it. I see it in their eyes. Time is going fast. It’s not always the words that are remembered but the feelings from the moments that are cherished on both sides of the conversation.

I Can’t Draw –But I’m Creative

June 17, 2022 / Sherry Carver

I just read this article and decided that even though I can’t draw that does not mean that I’m not creative in my own way . . . . . . .

Creating a Mental Studio

I have come to learn that creativity is essential to every day life. There is so much bad news and stress — waking up can be overwhelming. I realize that I don’t have to work every minute of the day to feel worthwhile.

I found what I love — I write to express all the thoughts that build up in my head. I take apart and put back together closets and cupboards to sort my brain and help it organize itself. I listen to podcasts to make sure it is not just my opinion that I listen to. I walk to take in the feeling of calm that nature gives. I clean to be able to start fresh and know what I have.

A few reminders from some favorite writers ~~ Joyce Maynard and Bob Brush ~~

Just Be Kind

June 7, 2020 / Sherry Carver

This week has touched me in ways that I realize come from my own soul searching. The first change I made with myself was to learn to listen differently. I quit trying to fix the situation with my opinion. Instead, I asked questions. Big difference to the person talking to me. I hear the story and then let them tell me what they think. Listening now consists of NOT talking.

I am NOT coming to the conversation with preconceived ideas. Every situation is different and warrants a thoughtful list of facts. That should give a thoughtful list of solutions.

I am just beginning to react to our week of protests. I needed to be made aware of my own biases. I did not have a diverse group of books, business owners, music and last but not least Instagram people I follow. I needed to broaden my world and understand what it would be like to “walk in different shoes.”

And to start it off — Just Be Kind —

I Miss My Coffee Shop

April 10, 2020 / Sherry Carver

What do you miss during this time of staying home? I miss going to my favorite coffee shop — Bodhi Leaf Coffee. It’s not about the coffee as I drink tea (which they have my favorite iced green tea) but about the atmosphere and my motivation while there to write my blog. It did not matter that there were noise distractions from other customers, I was able to focus and put myself in a very calm zone. I miss the friendly faces behind the counter who always greeted me with “Hi Sherry!”

I have been ordering their coffee online for my entire family. I am doing the next best thing I know how to do by ordering their products online and surprising my out of state family with coffee delivered to their door.

I miss walking freely around my town. Most of the public places have been closed to keep us safe from group gathering. I miss going out without a second thought about my health. Who knew that masks, gloves and cleansing wipes would become a part of going out in public?

The unknown is what is so challenging. I read a great article the other day from Harvard Business Review ~~ That Discomfort Your’re Feeling is Grief ~~ the article gave me some key points:

The goal is to find balance in the things you’re thinking.
Anticipatory grief is the mind going to the future and imagining the worst. To calm yourself, you want to come into the present.
You can also think about how to let go of what you can’t control.
There’s anger: You’re making me stay home and taking away my activities. There’s bargaining: Okay, if I social distance for two weeks everything will be better, right? There’s sadness: I don’t know when this will end. And finally there’s acceptance. This is happening; I have to figure out how to proceed.
And, I believe we will find meaning in it. I’ve been honored that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s family has given me permission to add a sixth stage to grief: Meaning.

So that word MEANING jumped out at me. What has helped me navigate the fear is trying to think about what might change for the better because of this. Here are a few of my ideas:

Traffic problems will ease if more people are set up to work remotely at least two days a week;
Teachers have become the new heroes to everyone — no one will ever wonder what they do to teach our kids;
Doctors and nurses are as vital as firemen, police officers and first responders ~~ they went to the frontline to do battle;
Custodians in every type of business are the people we never see ~~ they do their work at night when we are home ~~ they are as necessary to our survival as the CEO of the company;
Stay at home parents are set up for a thankless “what do you do all day” job ~~ that will never be a problem again;
I hope all leaders of every country realize that by working together we can overcome anything;
Kindness works — a smile or a thank you goes a long way.

I know that I am making my life simpler each day. I am seeing nature in a different way. It can teach us about renewal and that no matter what forces try to destroy it, there will always be something green growing from the ground.

My Discoveries. . .

October 13, 2019 / Sherry Carver

I decided that once in a while I will give you a glimpse into my world and introduce some of my favorite discoveries:

(Disclaimer I am not affiliated in any way with these choices and have no monetary compensation paid to me through any of the following links)

My Podcast Find — The Moth — I love storytelling and I love honesty and this is a pure mixture of both. . .
My Book Find — On Gold Mountain by Lisa See — I saw Lisa in person at a seminar with her mother Carolyn See (1934-2016). They were so interesting and so funny! Lisa studies and writes about her Chinese heritage and Carolyn wrote and taught about writing (Carolyn’s book Making a Literary Life: Advice for Writers and Other Dreamers is something I have read many times — she suggested writing 1000 words a day and to send handwritten notes to writers as often as possible). . .
Bodhi Leaf Coffee — everyone knows that this discovery has changed my world. I have found the place that welcomes me and helps me focus to get things read and written. I even started drafting a fictional essay about what this coffee stop might have been like in the 1800’s. . .
The television series Yellowstone — I wondered if I could stick with this series because it is a bit disturbing to watch. But as I’ve gotten into the story, it unfolds as a tale of a family and what leads to their dysfunction. Kevin Costner never disappoints. I like sitting down every night with a new episode and watching it with Chris.